The Story of Acebook and Ethel

Ethel is an elderly lady who is in a retirement home, her husband died 10 years previously, and she doesn’t have that many friends, other than the people in the home, but most of them have lost their marbles, and while her body is frail, her mind is sharp..

Ethel joins Acebook and starts looking for a date… She spends months trying to get a suitor. She gets messed about by loads of blokes who don’t have the courage to meet her. In her profile, she writes “I am looking for someone to sit with me and hold hands, and talk about interesting things”.

After about a year James replies to an email, and it seems they both like similar things, and joy of joys, he only lives a few miles away, and they agree to meet up..

On their first meeting, everything goes so well. James was only planning to stay an hour, but ends up spending most of the day with Ethel.. She is so happy that she has found someone to occupy her mind, and she likes the look of the lad.. James is happy that he has found someone as wise and loving as Ethel, and although there is an age gap, he doesn’t mind. Sure they won’t be going potholing, or clubbing together, but he sees there is a connection.

James starts to see Ethel once a week, then twice a week, and then virtually every day. Things progress a bit physically, neither of them like the idea of kissing or sex, and Ethel is just not in shape to do anything too ambitious, but after a bit of fumbling about, and driven by a desire to have some intimacy after talking for a while, Ethel would unbutton James’s trousers, and just hold his penis in her hands. Ethel feels young again, and the right amount of naughty.. James also feels comfortable with the arrangement, and no one feels weird or embarrassed, though there were a few close shaves when the caring staff entered the room without knocking, but the staff learned to give a little more time before entering after knocking.

Things were great for Ethel and James. They shared stories, they played games, and they were happy they found each other, and they shared the sadness that death was surely not far away for Ethel. It was a beautiful relationship.

One day about two years after they met James stopped showing up. Ethel just thought that maybe he missed the day, it had happened before, he would show up tomorrow…

The next day, nothing… The day after, nothing.. And the week after, nothing… Ethel was saddened by James’s disappearance. She tried to contact him online, and got no reply. She asked the care workers to find out if something had happened to him, and all they could tell Ethel was that he was still alive, but other than that no one had seen him.. Ethel just did not understand it.. She was really really sad..

After a while she got back on Acebook, and had started the process all over again….

One day Ethel went out on a day trip with some other elderly residents. They went to a pub to get lunch, and while she was there she happened to bump into James. It had been about a year since he stopped visiting her.

James said hello to Ethel, and looked really guilty, and said “I am so sorry, I should have said something I know I was in the wrong, I just didn’t know how to tell you”.. “Tell me what?”, quizzed Ethel. “Well.. I found someone else, and I didn’t want to hurt you”, James said sheepishly..
“Oh you should have said something, I know you should have been with someone younger.”
“Oh no that’s not it”, said James.
– “So, is your new lady-friend my sort of age?”
– “Yeah.”
– “So she’s in a retirement home?”
– “Yeah.”
– “Don’t tell me you met online?”
– “Yeah I am afraid so.”
– Ethel looked both perplexed and angry, “So do you sit next to her and talk like we did?”
– “Yeah.”
– “So, does she, y’know… Hold your penis while you talk?”
– James blushes, and nods.
– Ethel raises her voice a little and asks “So what the fuck does she have that I don’t?”
– James looks at the floor, and says “Parkinson’s”.

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